Disturbing news reaching us from Essex, where New Year's celebrations appear to have gotten out of hand.
Barry Spears (apt name), 74, awoke on January 1st to discover that an overnight firework display had left his beloved ceramic Spiderman with a potentially fatal injury. Namely, a large hole in his arse with a rocket sticking out of it.
Undeterred, Barry plans to rebuild him. “I shall probably repair it, but that’s not the point”, he said, before going on to list potentially more serious scenarios which didn't happen...
“If that had happened on my porch it could have blown my house up.
“That could have been a child sitting there or one of us.
“Just imagine you were standing there and it hit you, it doesn’t bear thinking about."
You're right Barry, it doesn't. Still, I guess we can at least be thankful he wasn't set upon by a ceramic Green Goblin. Or what if the rocket wasn't a firework but instead an actual nuclear warhead sent by North Korea which wiped out all of mankind? That'd probably be even worse.