Woman gets stuck in Tinder date's window while trying to throw out massive poo
Tinder is a funny old place. Even if you feel like you're having a great date there is still a lot that can go wrong. This poor dude named Liam found that out when he recently took his date back to his house for a bit of 'Netflix and chill'. He was clearlt hoping to get a blowy but it ended up with his date taking a massive dump in his toilet and getting stuck through a window whilst trying to throw it out after she was unable to flush it. Here is Liam's rather detailed description of THAT NIGHT!
I recently took a girl I met on Tinder to Nandos.
We had a lovely evening, and enjoyed each other’s company very much.
After our meal, we came back to my house for a bottle of wine and a scientology documentary.
About an hour in to Louis Theroux and chill, my date got up to use the toilet. She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me.
'I went for a poo in your toilet’, she told me ‘and it would not flush. I don't know why I did this, but I panicked’, she continued ‘I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window’.
I was understandably concerned, and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened.
Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, separated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window. It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo.
As you can see in the picture, the inside window opens at the top, into the gap that is separated from the garden by a non-opening double-glazed window pane:
Seeing only one solution, I messaged our house group-chat, and went upstairs to find a hammer and chisel to smash open the window.
In the time it took for Liam to find a hammer, he came back to find his date climbing out of the window. He said that at first she just used her arm but when she couldn't reach to turd she wedged her head and shoulders in too. Liam went on to say:
My date had other ideas.
Being an amateur gymnast, she was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out, using the tried and tested "inside out blag as glove" technique.
Unfortunately she couldn't reach. She climbed further in and had the same problem. Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window.
She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came.
So the poo is bagged and tied. You'd think everyone was ready to go back to watching Louis Theroux but no such luck.
She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled.
But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap.
Unfortunately for my date, at this stage I could see only one way out of our predicament. I called the fire brigade.
Bristol's finest were on scene sirens blaring in a matter of minutes. Once they had composed themselves after surveying the scene in front of them, they set to work removing my date from the window using all of their special firemen hammers and tools. It took them about 15 minutes.
Unfortunately, although they rescued my date unharmed from what must have been a rather unpleasant confined space to find yourself in, in the process they had to completely destroy the window with their special fire tools.
I'm not complaining, they did what they had to do. Problem is, I've been quoted north of £300 to replace the window.
As a postgraduate student, that is a significant chunk of my monthly budget (in fact, that is my monthly budget).
So poor old Liam now has to form out 300 quid for a new window. To be honest I think a story like this is worth way more than that. It's definitely one to tell the grandkids. I wonder if they had a second date?!
